Saturday, October 27, 2012

Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Required Course

Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include:


Air Life MedEvac Crew moves Mike to the Helipad at Magnolia Regional Medical Center. Annette and Lou Murphy are in the background.



Pall Bearers (Robert Davison, Brandon Clark, Mark Simon, Sim Baily, David McClellan and Undre Ellis) carry Mike's flag draped casket.



Rev. Jimmy Malone delivers the message.



Local American Legion members present the flag to Dorothy.



American Legon members salute the casket as it's brought into the graveyard.



Josiah at the graveyard (checking on "Bug" who was watching from the car.)






Volume 14, Issue 42 Friday, October 19, 2012

Hello ALL,

MICHAEL KELLEY


Dorothy, Mike, Jackie and JoAnn A happy dad with his girls.


Michael Kelley, 61, of Magnolia, passed away Monday, Oct. 22, 2012, at Dubuis Health System in Texarkana, Texas. He was born Feb. 9, 1951, in Magnolia. Mike served 21 years and retired as a chief gunners mate in the United States Navy. While serving in the Navy he received several Naval awards and was known as the “go to guy” for the repair of large caliber guns. He served on several ships during his career and was stationed around the world with Greece, the Philippines and Hawaii being his favorite duty stations.

His last duty post was the Battleship “New Jersey” which was decommissioned on Feb. 8, 1991 in Long Beach, Calif. Mike’s youngest daughter, Jackie, has the distinction of being the last child born to an active duty crewmember of the “New Jersey”. After his military discharge Mike worked as a truck driver until his full retirement. He then spent his time with his children and grandchildren, playing chess with his friend Jim and helping his neighbors and most anyone else who needed a hand.

He was preceded in death by his father, Harry W. Kelley of McNeil, and his mother, Dorothy Jean Green Kelley Montgomery of Magnolia.

Mike is survived by his three daughters, Dorothy Kelley of Springdale, JoAnn Clark and husband Brandon of Rogers, and Jackie Simon and husband Mark of Rogers; two sisters, Beth Waller and husband Gary of Byron, Ga., and Annette McClellan and husband James of Magnolia; three brothers, Wendell Kelley and wife Donna of Santee, Calif., Shawn Kelley and wife Jan of San Diego, Calif., and Danny Kelley ; two grandsons, Trey and Undre Ellis of Springdale; one granddaughter, Lila Shea Ellis of Springdale; step-son, Rey Quiosay and his wife Alex of Moore, Okla.; mother of children, Abelita Williams of Camden; his chess friend, Jim Williams of Camden; and numerous nieces, nephews and friends.

Graveside services were held at Lydesdale Cemetery with Bro. Jimmy Malone officiating, under the direction of Lewis Funeral Home, Inc. of Magnolia. Music was be provided by the family.
~~~~~
We were fortunate to have Mike move in a couple of blocks from us this spring. It enabled us to enjoy his company and share our lives in what turned out to be his final months of life.
He enjoyed visiting with us, with the gang at Farmers Insurance and playing chess with his friend Jim in Camden.
He suffered a “minor” stroke on September 14 and, as his condition worsened, was flown to St. Michaels in Texarkana on the 18th of September. He was basically unconscious from that point on, though there were periods where he “woke up” somewhat.
When he was “awake” he did recognize us and even mouth things like “Hi.” But it was tough seeing him in a hospital bed that long. After a few weeks, he was transferred to the Dubuis Long Term Care unit at Wadley. We really appreciate the care they gave him. It was reassuring to us.
His daughters live in northwest Arkansas and visited him as they were able. Up until the last few days, we were all expecting him to eventually recover. When his condition worsened, the girls came down and were with him when he passed.
~
God Speed Mike Kelley.
~~~~~
Mike loved to “pick” at folks. No visit to the doctor, insurance agent, car dealer, etc. would be complete unless he could playfully poke fun at folks. And his sister was no exception. For instance, he’d say; “You know that Moma loved me most.” Then he and Annette would compare Dorothy stories to prove who she loved the most.
He also liked my “Annette Stories” so here’s one more for Mikey.
~
Among the games Annette likes to play with me was the “Find the A&W” game. She loves A&W root beer and is ever vigilant to find an open A&W root beer stand. One afternoon, while we had been to Texarkana, visiting Mike, we were both a little sad as he had not been awake that day. As we were leaving Texarkana, Annette said; “A root beer would be nice, let’s stop at the A&W on the way out.” I was more than willing to get a root beer … but I didn’t know of any A&W root beer stands in Texarkana and said so. Annette replied; “We pass it every day when we’re coming into town.”
Now I admit that I’m sometimes unaware of things like A&W stands. But I had no earthly idea what she was talking about. So she started directing me to the location. For those who don’t know, Texarkana is full of one way streets and it takes some maneuvering to cover all the streets you can travel on coming into town.
So we wove back and forth through town looking for the A&W, after a while, I had to admit that they must have moved the stand because it wasn’t where “we” thought it was. Annette was a little put out that I couldn’t find something as simple as that root beer stand but she agreed that we needed to go on back to Magnolia.
And then we pick up the next Annette game. Having me order things from Sonic that aren’t on the menu.
As we drove into Stamps, she said, “We could stop at Sonic and get a root beer.” So, I stopped at Sonic and asked her what size root beer she wanted. This is where it got interesting. She told me; “Since we’re not at A&W, I’d prefer a diet root beer shake instead of just a root beer.” So I looked on the menu and didn’t see any kind of root beer shake, much less a diet one. But Annette explained; “It doesn’t have to be on the menu, just tell them we want a Diet Root Beer shake.”
Have any of y’all ever tried to order items not on the menu at Sonic or Burger King or McDonalds, etc.? It usually doesn’t work too well, but, as I had the “unstoppable force” sitting next to me, I pushed the button and ordered a diet root beer shake.
There was a pause on the speaker and then the lady explained; “We don’t have a root beer shake. Do you want a root beer float?”
Annette leaned over and said; “No. We want a shake.” The lady paused again and then, to my surprise replied; “Would you like me to mix the root beer float into a shake?” “Yes.” Annette replied.
So, no problem. If you want something off the menu, just bring Annette with you and it will get done.
~
She has the same effect on Wal-Mart folks when she’s returning an item. I can buy and item, keep it for a day or so before discovering it isn’t what I wanted or it doesn’t work properly and then attempt to return it. I’ll have the receipt, the item in the original packaging and certified witness affidavits and still be tied up for hours with the service desk before they “may” accept the return.
Annette will find an item laying on the closet floor, beat up and scratched up and carry its remains into Wal-Mart, with no packaging or receipt. The service desk staff will leap all over each other giving her a refund or exchange.
She does operate outside the normal laws of physics and WallyWorld.
~~~~~
A classmate of mine, Larry Joe Kingsbury, commented: … This election can't be over soon enough, but I fear the tone and tenor set by some in the campaigns will last long, long after the results are in. I think we are more divided, as a nation, today, than we were even during the Viet Nam War. …
~
Larry, I agree and Gerrymandering is one reason for our extreme political divisions.
~
Halen Allison has commented on “ Gerrymandering: The Radicalization of Politics and the Stifling of Democracy”

He writes: … the radicalization of politicians, is somewhat more nuanced, but it can be explained in part by asking a simple question. What incentive does a politician have to be politically moderate and appeal to a wide-range of voters if his entire constituency is ideologically homogeneous? The answer, of course, is that he has no incentive; he doesn’t need to appeal to voters ideologically different or even independent voters. He has a reliable base which will reelect him for as long as he seeks reelection. But at the same time, this politician may be forced to prove his ideological bona fides in order to appease the hard-line members of his constituency and so must drift further from the center. Project this across the entire nation and you can see why there are so few ideologically moderate politicians. You can also begin to understand why hot-button issues like abortion and gun control are the primary topics in any given election. Conservatives must be pro-life and pro-gun (and unequivocally religious; preferably Christian); liberals must be pro-choice and pro-gun control (and appearing religious doesn’t hurt). Most other issues, many pertaining to your freedoms, are relegated to secondary status….
You can read the whole article at: http://www.steubencourier.com/community/blogs/steuben_courier_town_square_blog/x1132447120/Gerrymandering-The-Radicalization-of-Politics-and-the-Stifling-of-Democracy
~
Thus, Gerrymandering over the years has resulted in a storm of hardliners in the Senate and House. As each party has further refined their voting districts, it becomes harder to elect anyone who is not a rabid party hack.

And, even if elected, such hardliners have no use for cooperating in budgeting or other lawmaker functions. It’s not known how many billions of dollars it costs us for the incoming party to totally cancel the other parties’ projects and institute their own. We’ve seen this here for years as competing politicians took the Arkansas Fire Training Academy and moved its functions around the state to satisfy their constituents.
On a national scale, NASA is a great example of what’s wrong with not cooperating. Programs are started, funded then canceled and restarted in other districts. Even the Apollo moon missions were affected when Nixon canceled the last three missions, primarily because he didn’t want the democrats to bask in the light of a successful program that they started and sponsored.

I’d like to see a push to move election districts to the control of non partisan committees.

Hope springs eternal.
~~~~~
All the activity this week left me sort of short on humor so I decided to bring back a “Blast From The Past.” These items are from the December 28, 2001 issue of “Da Bleat.”
~
Few things are better at bringing a smile to folks than a visit to the Spud Nut shop here in Magnolia. Over the years I’ve had the privilege of going by there many morning to pick up spuddies, pigs and cinnamon rolls for safety and emergency team meetings. I also occasionally stop by to pick up a half dozen to share with the “Vampire” at Doc Murphy’s office. Always be nice to folks with needles.

The Spud nut shop is one Magnolia's prime town meeting places. You'll usually see a fine group of Magnolian's in there every morning, drinking coffee and discussing the world's problems. I've often wondered how it would work if the White House had a conference with those in the Spud Nut Shop every morning before the cabinet meetings in Washington.
~~~~~
I thought it would be a good time to remember an incident from the last century. This incident involves the
infamous "Taylor Boy" gang and their experience in;

"How to Wreck a Train"

Growing up in Taylor, I can remember sitting in Grandmother's yard and watching the "Arkansas and Louisiana" passenger train roll north through Taylor. My mother told about catching this train in Taylor and riding it to Shreveport on Saturdays to go shopping. Then, riding it back home that evening.
One day when I was about four years old, my mother bought tickets for me to ride this train from Springhill to Taylor. At that time, the train was pulled by a shining "F" unit engine. However, I was afraid of the big noisy contraption and Ricky Barnard ended up taking the ride in my place.
On other occasions, Dinah Sue, Charlie and I would play in the Cotton Gin down by the railroad (an activity strictly prohibited by our parents.) On many afternoons, we'd walk down the tracks looking for animals, loose spikes and anything else of interest to young children.
[My mother, in an attempt to dissuade us from playing on the tracks, used to tell a story of "Ollie", the guy who lost his head when hit by a train he didn't hear while walking on the tracks. We thought that was a "neat' story and retold it with relish to other kids, along with the story about the drunk hobo who fell asleep on the tracks and had his arms cut off.]
Another thrill for us kids was watching the men come through on their little inspection car. It was about 5' square, powered by a little lawnmower sized engine and had a bench across the front for the men to sit on. They'd travel up and down the tracks, inspecting the roadbed and making minor repairs.
When I was young, they stored the inspection car in a little shed on the south side of Taylor. The shed doors were secured with a big padlock on a large chain. I always assumed (or maybe I hoped) that the railroad men were better at repairing the rails than they were at building sheds. The doors didn't really fit together and we could squeeze between them and explore inside the shed.
I guess my uncles were just as enthralled with the train as I was. My mother told several stories about the railroad when she was young.
There was the story of the escaped convict that had a shoot out with the Taylor Marshall and County Deputies. One of the bullets from that exchange made a hole in the Norwood house down by the railroad tracks.
Then there was the story of how uncle Bob fell in a gondola car parked on the "Tram" siding and his brothers ran home afraid they'd get a whipping for playing around the railroad. By the time they got up the nerve to go back and see about him, the train had picked up the car and headed north. So they all when home and behaved themselves the rest of the day.
When Mrs. Mary asked them where Bob was, they all denied any knowledge of his whereabouts. Meanwhile, the train continued north with "hobo" Bob aboard. He was discovered by a railroad worker at Hope and taken out of the car.
He knew he was already in trouble so he started walking home, catching a ride every so often. It was late at night by the time he drug up into the yard.
Mrs. Mary asked him where he'd been all evening and he explained that he'd been playing on some railroad cars and fell in one and ended up being taken to Hope before he could get anyone's attention and then he had to walk back from there.
She whipped him for lying and told him he could go to bed without supper since he didn't want to tell where he'd really been.

On another occasion, the boys decided to wreck a train. So they piled up rocks on the track and took up positions in the field between the Masonic lodge and Mrs. Mable's house to watch the show.
Luckily(?) The inspection car came along before the train. It hit the pile of rocks while traveling at its full speed of five or ten miles per hour. The inspection car was derailed and the men were thrown off, into the ditch.
It was at this point that the boys decided that this hadn't been such a good idea after all and they all jumped up and ran home. The sight of four boys running full blast from the "scene of the crime" helped the railroad men recover from their shock quickly enough to note which house the kids ran into.
After they cleared the rocks off the rack and rerailed the inspection car, they paid a visit to my grandparents. Mrs. Mary was able to "persuade" the boys to never try to derail a train again. Of course, they had a constant reminder of their sin each time they tried to sit down for the next several days.
~~~~~
At last, an explanation: Ever walk into a room with some purpose in mind, only to completely forget what that purpose was? Turns out, doors themselves are to blame for these strange memory lapses.

Psychologists at the University of Notre Dame have discovered that passing through a doorway triggers what's known as an event boundary in the mind, separating one set of thoughts and memories from the next. Your brain files away the thoughts you had in the previous room and prepares a blank slate for the new locale.

It's not aging, it's the door!

Thanks to Waneta
~~~~~
ALL PUNS INTENDED

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything."

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"

"Doc, I can’t stop singing “The Green, Green Grass of Home.” " That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "Well, ………..It’s Not Unusual."

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

Déjà-Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn’t find any

I went to a seafood disco Last week...and pulled a mussel.

What do you call a fish With no eyes? A fsh.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt, and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of
himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, She tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of her other son. Her husband responds, "They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen
Ahmal."

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail. And with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Thanks to Waneta
~~~~~
Three Rednecks were working on a cell phone tower, Cooter, Dale and K.C.

As they start their descent Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed
instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Dale says, "Well, someone should go and tell Cooter's wife."

KC says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."

Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.

Dale says, "Where did you get that beer, KC?"

"Cooter's wife gave it to me," KC replies.

"That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?"

Well, not exactly", KC says. "When she answered the door, I said to her, "You must be Cooter's widow'."

She said, "You must be mistaken, I'm not a widow.".... Then I said "I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are."

Rednecks are good at that sensitive stuff.

Thanks to Gary Foreman
~~~~~
The following wisdom is shared by our friends.
~
Jim Ford - - There are two ways to capture and enslave a country. One is by the sword and the other is by debt. - John Adams
~
Nancee Davis Law

When you're down and troubled and you need a helping hand, Jesus will be your friend.

You can't have a positive future, looking at a negative past

you can't change the past so don't live in it. It's a new Day!!

Be the umbrella in someone's storm.

God will become more in us when we become less in ourselves.

It's not what you do for your children but what you have taught them to do for themselves, that will make them successful human beings. Ann Landers

A balanced breakfast is very important - therefore we should have a cup of coffee in BOTH hands!!

God doesn't owe us anything which makes the fact that He gives us everything even more awesome.

"Latte" (noun) Italian for "You paid too much for that coffee."
~
Jimmy Malone - - What if smart phones make people dumber?
~~~~~
Wendell Franks - - Although it felt like opening Christmas presents on Dec. 23, I just joined all of you who voted early. I'm quite proud to say that, for the first time I remember, I was careful to split my ticket, voting both for R and D. In the days of George McGovern (R.I.P.) and J. William Fulbright, I voted Democrat. In my middle age, I voted Republican. At 60, I've finally realized that politicians of neither party give a (kindly insert your favorite pejorative or simply default to "darn") about this great nation or its citizens, and neither deserve loyalty. Democracy is, by nature, a process of negotiation and compromise, and the slash-and-burn extremists of both fringes are equally a threat to our nation. End of speech. I'm through now. Okay, really, that's it. For a printed transcript, visit www.juniorsamplesusedcars.com
~~~~~

~~~~~
Recipe of the week: Recipe — Lemon Mustard Lamb Chops

Broiled lamb chops with lemon juice and a parsley, mustard, garlic, lemon zest, and rosemary sauce.


Prep Time: 5 minutes
Cook Time: 8 minutes

Ingredients
2 parsley sprigs
2 tbsp Dijon mustard
1 cup garlic cloves, chopped , minced
1 tsp fresh lemon peel , grated
1/2 tsp dried rosemary , crushed
1 lb lean lamb loin chops , trimmed (4 - 4oz. pieces)
2 tbsp fresh lemon juice
1 cooking spray
1 medium lemons , quartered


Directions
1 In small bowl, blend parsley, mustard, garlic, lemon zest, and rosemary.
2 Place lamb chops in shallow baking dish.
3 Spoon lemon juice over chops, and let stand for 15 minutes.
4 Preheat broiler. Coat broiler pan and rack with cooking spray.
5 Place lamb chops on the prepared rack. Spread half of mustard mixture evenly over chops.
6 Broil chops 4" from the heat for 4 minutes. Turn and spread remaining mustard mixture evenly over the chops.
7 Broil for 4 to 5 minutes, until slightly pink in the center.
8 Garnish with lemon wedges.

Copyright http://www.dlife.com/diabetes/diabetic-recipes/recipeDetailPrint.html?id=3688
~~~~~
Bob Rankin - - AskBob - - Geekly Update - 26 October 2012 - - Are those stories about alien abductions really true? Can spending an entire day without your Smartphone make you dumb? And if you thought the Internet was made of wires, you need to see this shocking newly-discovered evidence to the contrary. Get answers to these burning questions, and the scoop on the latest tech news, in this edition of the Geekly Update. It's guaranteed to make you 146% smarter, read on...
http://askbobrankin.com/geekly_update_26_october_2012.html?awt_l=HZr.N&awt_m=IcY1P2KEC8P6SL
~~~~~
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web.
~
Greetings,

Please see this Excellent Article by Bing West on the Libya Debacle. [http://www.michaelyon-online.com/first-aid-the-living.htm]

Please see the latest Army Story From Afghanistan. [http://www.michaelyon-online.com/medevac-at-fob-pasab-afghanistan.htm]

Very Respectfully,
Michael Yon
Your Writer,

Please remember that this website accepts no advertisement and is dependent on your support.

PS Please sign up for my Twitter.com updates at "Michael_Yon" [http://twitter.com/Michael_Yon] (not Michael Yon).

http://www.facebook.com/#/MichaelYonFanPage?ref=sgm
~
www.michaelyon-online.com
~
Http://www.michaelyon_online.com/index.php
~~~~~
If you would like to encourage US Troops overseas, but are not sure just how to begin, visit www.anysoldier.com for ideas.
~~~~~
DarynKagan.com - - Friendly is the theme of today's featured stories. Enjoy!

And The World's Friendliest Country Is...? [http://darynkagan.demo.nimbussoftware.com/world/2012/jw_121025_friendliest_country.html]
Forbes Magazine ranks the countries where it is easiest to befriend locals, learn the local language, and fit into a new culture. Where does the USA rank?

Gorgeous Injured Owl Appreciates Rescuer [http://darynkagan.demo.nimbussoftware.com/animals/2012/an_121026_owl_appreciates_rescuer.html]
You have to see this gorgeous owl and how he lets a man pet him and get him the help he needs.
~~~~~

ACC SmartBrief - - U.S. will continue to hold competitive advantage from shale gas - - The U.S. chemical sector is taking advantage of the cheap natural gas supply from shale formations through $40 billion in planned petrochemical investments in the next few years, said Owen Kean, senior energy-policy director with the American Chemistry Council, at an energy forum Thursday. Natural gas and natural gas liquids from shale are key building blocks for a lot of products. The U.S. "will continue to enjoy a decisive competitive advantage" as long as it continues production of shale-derived gas and NGLs, Kean said. FuelFix.com (10/25)
~~~~~
http://www.shelfari.com
http://www.shelfari.com/bugsbleat/shelf
~~~~~
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include - - Pall Bearers (Robert Davison, Brandon Clark, Mark Simon, Sim Baily, David McClellan and Undre Ellis) carry Mike's flag draped casket. Rev. Jimmy Malone delivers the message. Local American Legion members present the flag to Dorothy and members salute the casket as it's brought into the graveyard.
~~~~~
For the latest issue of "Da Bleat.", go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com.
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.
~~~~~
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
~~~~~
BreakPoint - - Better Microbes - - Nature Abhors Promiscuity
By: John Stonestreet | Published: October 26, 2012

Since the sexual revolution, the “enlightened” have viewed chastity and monogamy as “unnatural.” But, what’s really unnatural is promiscuity.

My colleague Eric Metaxas recently told BreakPoint listeners about a new strain of gonorrhea “that is resistant to the only class of drugs that can ‘reliably treat’ the disease.”

What’s true of bacteria like Neisseria gonorrhoeae is also true of virtually every other microbe: They are very adaptable and they change faster than our ability to develop treatments that will kill them.

But in order to adapt, they often need—and get—a helping hand from humans.

Let me explain. As Laurie Garrett chronicled in her book, “The Coming Plague: Newly Emerging Diseases in a World Out of Balance,” the four decades between Alexander Flemings’ discovery of penicillin and the mid-1960s were the most optimistic time in the history of medicine.

The development of more-effective antibiotics and breakthroughs in genetics and cancer research led many in the medical profession to look forward to the day when even old killers like cancer would be considered chronic, but not fatal, conditions.

Nowhere was this optimism more keenly felt than in the area of sexually-transmitted diseases. The incidence of STDs had dropped precipitously, and cases were easily treated with antibiotics. Resources previously devoted to keeping STDs in check were being shifted elsewhere.

But in less than a decade, this optimism was gone. Why? The Sexual Revolution. As Garrett tells us, changing sexual mores during the 60s and 70s acted as a kind of growth medium for STDs like gonorrhea to evolve into the “superbugs” that have public health officials worried today.

The combination of promiscuity, drug use, and the overuse of antibiotics as a kind of “backup plan” didn’t create the better world some promised: What it created were “better” microbes, or as in the case of HIV/AIDS, the transformation of a previously-unheard of virus into the source of a global pandemic.

The drug-resistant gonorrhea is only the latest chapter in a story that began with the Sexual Revolution.

The connection between “lifestyle” and adaptable microbes is well-documented. Equally well-documented is the unwillingness on the part of public health officials to admit it.

I’m not talking about “blaming the victim” here. I’m referring to what, in other contexts, has been called “the soft bigotry of low expectations.” In virtually every book or article about the emergence of antibiotic-resistant STDs, the inability of people to modify or even moderate their sexual practices, even in the face of life-threatening illnesses, is a given.

Somehow New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s restriction on soft drink sizes is hailed as social justice, but pointing out the dangers to public health posed by promiscuity is a big no-no.

Look, nature is obviously indifferent to our ideas about “freedom.” As the philosopher Joseph John Rickaby wrote a century ago, “nature abhors promiscuity.” He called promiscuity “suicidal” and added that a society where it was acceptable would be plagued by infertility and disease.

Time has proven him right, even if those entrusted with public health refuse to say so.

And it’s not just our physical health that’s at stake. Our mental and societal health is being decimated by the visual promiscuity that is pornography—something I discuss with Josh and Sean McDowell on this weekend’s BreakPoint this Week. This is easily one of the most stunning interviews I’ve ever conducted, and if you’re a parent, you simply must take a look at Josh’s new website: just1clickaway.org. That’s "just," the number 1, click away.org. And come to BreakPoint.org to listen to the broadcast.
Further Reading and Information

Moral Philosophy
Joseph Rickaby | Echo Library | March 2007 [http://books.google.com/books?id=qIVdU8XvPkQC&pg=PA142&lpg=PA142&dq=nature+abhors+promiscuity&source=bl&ots=yGgVNbRC41&sig=lNR46S3nOB6GxyFRUBt43E6xpR8&hl=en&sa=X&ei=iN2GUP6RC4nE2gXUnIDgBg&ved=0CCQQ6AEwAQ#v=onepage&q=nature%20abhors%20promiscuity&f=false]

Just 1 Click Away
A resource of Josh McDowell Ministries [http://www.just1clickaway.org/]

Sean McDowell Worldview Porn for Vimeo Preview
| Summit Lecture Series [http://vimeo.com/50145841]

[http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries]

Copyright © 2012 Prison Fellowship. All Rights Reserved

~~~~~
Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:
~

Senator John Boozman (R_ AR)
1 Russell Courtyard
Washington DC, 20510
Phone: 202-224-4843
http://boozman.senate.gov/
~
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR)
Phone 202_224_2353
FAX 202_228_0908
http://pryor.senate.gov/
~
Representative Michael A. Ross (D _ 04)
Phone 202_225_3772
FAX 202_225_1314
http://ross.house.gov/

Other states congresspersons can be found at: [http://www.visi.com/juan/congress/]
~~~~~
THOUGHT OF THE DAY:

"Every great mistake has a halfway moment, a split second when it can be recalled and perhaps remedied." - Pearl S. Buck

"The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind." - H. L. Mencken

"You'll never plow a field by turning it over in your mind." - Irish proverb

"Give me the liberty to know, to utter and to argue freely according to conscience, above all liberties." - John Milton

"Has fortune dealt you some bad cards. Then let wisdom make you a good gamester." - Francis Quarles

"Things don't turn up in this world unless somebody turns them up." - James A. Garfield

"It is a fair, even-handed, noble adjustment of things, that while there is infection in disease and sorrow, there is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good-humor." - Charles Dickens
~~~~~
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Oct 26 - - Acts 12:7,9,11

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~~~~~
BREAKING CHRISTIAN NEWS
http://breakingchristiannews.com/

10,000 Egyptian Youth Gather in Desert to Worship
Jerry Dykstra (Oct 22, 2012)

"To sit among over 10,000 young people, worship with them in a roaring holy noise, listen to powerful and challenging messages and pray for God's powerful presence in our lives; really, it is hard to describe in words."

Read Full Story [http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=10662]

40 Days for Life: 341 Babies Saved So Far
Shawn Carney (Oct 23, 2012)

A second woman walked up to vigil participants to thank them for their witness. She said that a few days earlier, she was driving to the facility to have an abortion. She prayed for a sign to convince her not to go through with it. When she saw the 40 Days for Life prayer team on the sidewalk, she recognized the sign she had prayed for.

Read Full Story [http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=10669]

><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>

GCF: Required Course

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
----------------------------------------------------------
In my senior year I reluctantly took a required psychology course.
The first day, the professor commented on each student's major, trying to provoke a response. It was working - some students were becoming defensive. When it was my turn, I told him I was a music major.

"So," asked my professor, "what does your father think of you wasting your education to study music?"

"He's just thankful," I shot back, "that I didn't go into psychology."
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Menu Commands

A Canadian customer was calling to find out if there was a faster way to trigger menu commands than mousing up to the menus.

Agent: Certainly, sir. There are keyboard shortcuts for many of those commands. For example, suppose you want to trigger the Select All command...

Caller: Yes, I use that one all the time! How do I do it?

Agent: Well, you just press Control-A.

Caller (after a pause): Well, that's not working for me.

Agent: Do you have a text document open in front of you?

Caller: Yes, I sure do.

Agent: OK, now press Control-A.

Caller: I am, but nothing happens.

Agent: The text isn't highlighted?

Caller: No, there's no change at all.

Agent: That's odd. If you press Control-A the whole document should be highlighted. Try it again. Press Control-A. Tell me exactly what's happening.

Caller (nearing his Canadian breaking point): Listen. I'm pressing Control, eh? And nothing's happening, eh?
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Shopping Bags

My mother-in-law recently moved to a seniors' residence where they ask everyone to double-bag their garbage so it doesn't spill or break on the way down the garbage chute.

Since she does little shopping herself, she's asked us to bring her our used bags.

Living fifteen miles out of town, however, it isn't always convenient for us to boost her supply. So the next time we took her shopping, I explained the situation to the cashier, who kindly gave us a handful of extra bags.

The next day, my mother-in-law called. "Robert, can you please bring over some plastic shopping bags?"

"But, Mother," I said, puzzled, "you got 30 extra bags yesterday."

"Oh, no, dear," she replied. "I can't use those for garbage. They're brand new!"
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Darn Cat

A couple was going out for the evening. They'd gotten ready, all dolled up, cat put out, etc. The taxi arrives, and as the couple got out, the cat shoots back in. They don't want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the cat out. The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver, "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab, "Sorry I took so long," he says. "Stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!"
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Prayer Request

Our minister usually conducts an expanded altar call at the end of his sermon. He asks those with prayers or other requests, to come forward.

To the surprise and delight of the congregation, his three-year-old daughter, without a word to the mother, got up and made her way forward. She waited patiently while the others ahead of her made a request.

When her turn came, the minister leaned down to ask for her request.
She whispered, "Can we go to the restaurant after church?"
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Magic Car

A mother gave her teenage daughter a car for her sixteenth birthday.
As she handed over the keys, she explained that it was a magic car.

The girl, of course, was very excited, and asked what it did.

"Well," said Mom, "Just get one ticket and you'll see how quickly it will disappear."
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Officer Shortcut

A Navy officer, serving on an aircraft carrier, was cutting through the crew's quarters of his ship one day and happened upon a sailor reading a magazine with his feet up on the small table in front of him.

"Sailor! Do you put your feet up on the furniture at home?" the officer demanded.

"No, sir, but we don't land airplanes on the roof either."
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: DC Cabs

Anyone who's ever ridden in a cab in Washington DC knows they're some of the world's most brazen drivers. Oddly enough though, their current accident rate isn't all that bad. One day I asked one of the drivers the reason for that.

"Easy," he said. "all the really bad drivers are dead now."
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Self-Employed

Many years ago, my friend worked for a large business. It was his lifetime employment, but he wasn't happy there. He wanted to go into business for himself. He saved his money and finally had enough so that he could quit and start his own business.

A few years later, I was on vacation passing through the town where my friend's business was located. I stopped by for a visit. I said to him, "I heard that the first year is the hardest for a new business."

"Yeah, the first year was pretty rough, but we're doing pretty well now. In fact, I'm getting to where I only have to work half a day."

"Wow! That's pretty nice! Maybe I should think about going into business for myself."

"Yeah, and the nicest part of it is that it doesn't matter which twelve hours you work."
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Dollar

Rachel asked her mother for a dollar to give to a little old lady in the park.

Kathy, impressed by her daughters's kindness, gave her the dollar.
"There you are Rachel," said Kathy. "But, tell me, isn't the little old lady able to work any more?"

"Oh she works!" was Rachel's reply, "She sells candy!"
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Trix Are For Kids

Woman: "No, I'm telling you, I'm right! He couldn't eat the Trix because he was an adult rabbit, and Trix were only supposed to be for kids."

Man: "Well, I always thought it was just because he was a rabbit and not a person."

[A period of silence -- the woman looks down at her food.]

Man: "What's wrong?"

Woman: "I'm just really getting tired of you always being wrong."
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Jury Duty

As a court clerk, I am well-versed in the jury selection process.
First a computer randomly selects a few hundred citizens from the entire county to report for jury duty on a particular day. Then another computer assigns 40 of those present to a courtroom. Then the 40 names are placed into a drum, and a dozen names are pulled.

During jury selection for one trial, the judge asked potential Juror No. 12 if there was any reason he could not be a fair and impartial juror.

"There may be," he replied. "Juror No. 1 is my ex-wife, and if we were on the same jury, I guarantee we would not be able to agree on anything."

Both were excused.
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Rose

One morning I found a beautiful long-stemmed rose lying by the kitchen sink. Even though the flower was plastic, I was thinking how, after all the years we had been married, my husband could still make such a wonderful romantic gesture.

Then I noticed a love note lying next to it.

"Dear Sue," it read. "Don't touch the rose, I'm using the stem to unclog the drain."

_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Preposition

A gentleman wandered around the campus of a college looking for the library. He approached a student and asked, "Excuse me, young man. Would you be good enough to tell me where the library is at?"

The student, in a very arrogant and belittling tone, replied, "I'm sorry, sir, but at this school, we are taught never to end a sentence with a preposition!"

The gentleman smiled, and in a very apologetic tone, he replied, "I beg your pardon. Please allow me to rephrase my question. Would you be good enough to tell me where the library is at, dummy?"
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Baby Cry?

At 3 AM in the morning, a young wife shook her husband awake.

Groggily he asked "What is it?"

"The baby," she reminded him.

The husband sat up and listened intently.

"But I don't hear her crying," he protested.

"I know, and it's your turn to see why not!"
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Check Your Bill

A corporate executive received a monthly bill from the law firm that was handling a big case for his company. It included hourly billing for conferences, research, phone calls, fax, photocopying, and everything but lunch hours.

Unhappy as he was, the executive knew that the company would have to pay for each of these services.

Then he noticed one item buried in the middle of the list:

"For crossing the street to talk to you, then discovering it wasn't you at all - $125."
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Empty Cage

Staring at an empty cage, a zoo visitor asks, "Where are all the monkeys?"

"It's mating season," the keeper replies. "They're inside."

"Do you think they'd come out for peanuts?"

"Probably not," answers the keeper.

"Why not?" persists the visitor.

"Would you?"
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Old Home

We purchased an old home in northern New York State from two elderly sisters. Winter was fast approaching and I was concerned about the house's lack of insulation.

"If they could live here all those years, so can we," my husband confidently declared.

One November night, the temperature plunged to below zero and we woke up to find our interior walls covered with frost. My husband called the sisters to ask how they had kept the house warm.

After a rather brief conversation, he hung up. "For the past 30 years," he announced, "they've gone to Florida for the winter."
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Fishing

A wife returning from a fishing trip with her husband was telling her troubles to a neighbor.

"I did everything all wrong again today," she said. "I talked too loud, I used the wrong bait, I reeled in too soon, and I caught more fish than he did."
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Knowledge and Wisdom

The difference between Knowledge and Wisdom:

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.

Wisdom is not putting tomatoes in a fruit salad.
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Small Town

Traveling through New England, a motorist stopped for gas in a tiny village. "What's this place called?" he asked the station attendant.

"All depends," the native drawled. "Do you mean by them that has to live in this dad-blamed, moth-eaten, dust-covered dump, or by them that's merely enjoying its quaint and picturesque rustic charms for a short spell."
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Freedom Peppers

A man walks up to a cashier in a grocery store.
He says, "Hey, how much for these jalapeño peppers?" He pronounces it "joe-la-pen-oh," not "ho-lo-peen-yo."

The cashier says, "Sir, that's not what those peppers are called."

The man replies, "Listen, buddy, this is America, and I can pronounce any word the way I please."

The cashier responds, "That may be, sir, but those are green peppers."
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Screwdriver

While assembling furniture for a friend, I asked her five-year-old son to bring me a screwdriver.

He said, "Do you want a Daddy screwdriver or a Mommy screwdriver?"

"Which one can you get faster?"

"The Mommy screwdriver."

"Okay. Bring me a Mommy screwdriver."

The child came back and handed me a butter knife.
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: The Rules of Bureaucracy

1. Preserve thyself.

2. It is easier to fix the blame than to fix the problem.

3. A penny saved is an oversight.

4. Information deteriorates upward.

5. The first 90% of the task takes 90% of the time; the last 10% takes the other 90%.

6. Experience is what you get just after you need it.

7. For any given large, complex, hard to understand, expensive problem, there exists at least one short, simple, easy, cheap wrong answer.

8. Anything that can be changed will be, until time runs out.

9. To err is human; to shrug is service.

10. There's never enough time to do it right, but there's always enough time to do it over.
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Glass of Water

A father stayed home one night to watch his son while his wife went to a PTA meeting. Later in the evening he settled down to watch TV.

But his son repeatedly kept coming in and asking for a glass of water.

After the fifth glass,the dad lost his patience and yelled, "I'm trying to watch the TV. Go to Bed."

"But Dad", the boy wined,"my room is still on fire!"
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Checking Out

I was checking out at a busy supermarket and the cashier was having problems. The register ran out of paper, the scanner malfunctioned, and then the cashier spilled a handful of coins.

When she totaled my order, it came to exactly $22. Trying to soothe her nerves, I said, "That's a nice round figure."

Still frazzled, she glared at me and said, "You're no bean pole yourself!"
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Mexican Restaurant

A Mexican restaurant I pulled up to looked great. Only one problem - it wasn't open. So I jotted down the name for another day. Just then, a man came out of the restaurant and took a peek at what I'd written.

"That's not the name of the restaurant," he said, pointing to the sign over the door. "That's Spanish for 'Closed on Mondays.'"
_ _______________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \
/ / | tellswor@kcbx.net | \ \
_( (_ | http://www.kcbx.net/~tellswor | _) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_|<> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Ot Yet?

I did my nurse's training at a hospital in Liverpool, England. My fellow students and I had little money for meals, so we ate the awful food provided at the hospital complex.

We often took our breaks in the kitchen and sometimes kindly visitors would give us some of the treats they had brought for patients who had not wanted to eat them.

One night a woman brought a pie to the kitchen and said to me, "Would you eat this up, love?"

Another student and I devoured every delicious crumb!

Soon our benefactor returned, however, and asked, "Is me 'usband's pie 'ot yet, dearie?" (hot yet?)

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.

(_:][:_)

Penny for Your Thoughts

One morning Grandma was over at the doctor's house when her daughter called, who was sort of frantic because her son had swallowed a penny. The daughter wanted Grandma to ask the doctor if she should bring the boy in to be seen.

When she asked the doc, he calmly replied, "I don't think it's necessary. Just watch him closely for any change."

Received from Timothy Anger.

(_:][:_)

One-Armed Consultant

The classified ad said, "Wanted: CEO needs a one-armed consultant with a social sciences degree and five years of experience."

The man who won the job asked, "I understand most of the qualifications you required, but why 'one armed'?"

The CEO answered, "I have had many consultants, and I am tired of hearing with each advice the phrase 'on the other hand.'"

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.

(_:][:_)

Oneliners Part 2

Before the '60s, most teenagers used self-control.

Money talks, but credit has an echo.

Practice courtesy. You never know when it might become popular again.

One man's wage rise is another man's price increase.

The most enjoyable form of sex education is the Braille method.

What a wonderful life I've had! I only wish I'd realized it sooner.

The reward of a thing well done, is to have done it.

When you're at school, you wish you were old enough to work.

Night falls . . . but . . . Day breaks.

If you think you have it tough, read history books.

It's a new year, do you know where your credit cards are?

I try to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

You have a lifetime to work, but children are only young once.

A hundred men may make an encampment, but it takes a woman to make a home.

A healthy male adult bore, consumes each year, one and a half times his weight, in other people's patience.

Whenever buying a gift for a couple celebrating their 60th anniversary, buy them something they will use right away.

I told my teenage son to enjoy this part of his life, that he would never again feel so secure in his ignorance.

I know that you're nobody's fool, but maybe someone will adopt you.

Received from Irene A. Mystery.

(_:][:_)

Hotel Pets?

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation. He wrote:

I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?

An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware, or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.

(_:][:_)

The Recession

The recession has hit everybody really hard...

* My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

* CEOs are now playing miniature golf.

* Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

* I saw a Mormon with only one wife.

* If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

* Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

* My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!

* A picture is now only worth 200 words.

* McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

* The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

* When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

* A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

Received from LeoDaVinci.

(_:][:_)

Grandfathers

Three elderly gents were talking about what their grandchildren would be saying about them fifty years from now.

"I would like my grandchildren to say, 'He was successful in business,'" declared the first man.

"Fifty years from now," said the second, "I want them to say, 'He was a loyal family man.'"

Turning to the third gent, he asked, "So what do you want them to say about you in fifty years?"

"Me?" the third one replied. "I want them to say, 'He certainly looks good for his age.'"

Received from Big Mac Clean Joke Attack.

(_:][:_)

Groaner: Endangered Species

My wife and I were flipping through TV channels the other night, and we settled for a while on one of those wildlife programs -- this one was about the cheetah.

A thought occurred to me. "You know why they're endangered, don't you?" I said.

She nodded. "It's that old saying, 'Cheetahs never prosper.'"

(from Joel Rosenberg)

Received from Stan Kegel.

(_:][:_)

Church Nevers

6. Never ask an usher to break a $20.

5. Never do a cannonball in the baptismal tank.

4. Never hold a church business meeting on Super Bowl Sunday.

3. Never tell the pastor, "We love your church, and we might even come back next Easter."

2. During youth group activities, never bungee jump off the church steeple or play chicken with the church buses.

1. After a soloist of impressive size sings "Love Lifted Me," don't follow with the hymn "It Took a Miracle."

From "Bible Humor Top Seven Lists" by Dave Veerman and Rich Anderson

Received from Mikey's Funnies.

(_:][:_)

Famous Last Words

What could possibly go wrong?

Don't worry, I've done it a million times!

Watch this.

Don't turn it on yet, it's not quite ready.

Don't worry, it's not used any more.

Step back a bit, I can't get you in the picture.

Listen, I'm taking a course in chemistry, I know what I'm doing.

Yes of course the elastic is strong enough.

I wonder what happens if these two wires touch.

I thought it tasted rather strange.

Well "I've" never seen one that big.

Go for it! What's the worst that can happen?

You have driven this before, haven't you?

And that one over there, the red flashing one, what does that mean?

I've never had one of these fail to open before.

Are you sure they don't mind you taking their honey?

It's ok, I saw them do it on TV.

Let's see what this baby can do.

My mom's at the mall, go ahead.

That was our turn back there...

It's peacetime, let's enlist.

How much worse could it get?

Received from George "I just sent GCFL a donation" Brown.

(_:][:_)

Buying Shoes

Each day when I came home from work, I would drop to my knees and ask my four-year-old son if he wanted to box. I wanted him to learn how to protect himself. We would spar around for a few minutes before supper.

One day my wife and I took our son to get new shoes. The shoe salesman was friendly and allowed my son to try on several pairs of shoes before we decided on a particular pair that he liked. We asked if he wanted to wear them home, and he replied, "Yes."

The salesman, who was kneeling on the floor in front of our son, held the old shoes in his hands and asked, "Do you want a box?"

Our son stood up and punched him right on the nose. After grabbing our son, we had to spend the next several minutes explaining why this happened. Luckily, our salesman was also the father of a four-year-old.

Received from Stan Kegel.

(_:][:_)

Birthday Party

A lady threw a party for her granddaughter. She had gone all out with a caterer, a band, and even a clown. Just before the party started, two bums showed up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman told them that she would give them a meal if they would chop some wood for her out back. Gratefully, they headed to the rear of the house.

The guests arrived, and all was going well with the children having a wonderful time. But the clown hadn't shown up. After a half an hour, the clown finally called to report that he was stuck in traffic, and he would probably not make the party at all.

The woman was very disappointed and unsuccessfully tried to entertain the children herself. She happened to look out the window and saw one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watched in awe as he swung from tree branches, did midair flips, and leaped high into the air.

She spoke to the other bum and said, "What your friend is doing is absolutely marvelous. I've never seen such a thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him $100!"

The other bum said, "Well, I dunno. Let me ask him. HEY WILLIE! FOR $100, WOULD YOU CHOP OFF ANOTHER TOE?"

Received from Big Mac Clean Joke Attack.

(_:][:_)

Give Bubba a Chance

It was graduation night at Cox High School. They were about halfway through the ceremony when the principal said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we have a problem. Bubba is a few credits short and won't be able to graduate tonight."

Bubba was the starting right guard for Cox's football team. When the student body heard that he wasn't going to graduate, they all jumped up and started to chant, "Give Bubba another chance! Give Bubba another chance!"

The football coach and the principal had a quick conference. Afterward, the principal announced that they decided to give Bubba another chance. Bubba was told that he will be given a "One Question" math test, and if he passed, he could graduate.

The question was, "What is 2 plus 3?" Bubba thought for a couple of minutes and finally said, "I have it! The answer is 5!"

There was complete silence in the auditorium for a couple of seconds, and then the entire Cox High School football team jumped up and began to chant, "Give Bubba one more chance! Give Bubba one more chance!"

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.

(_:][:_)

Psychology Course

In my senior year I reluctantly took a required psychology course. The first day, the professor commented on each student's major, trying to provoke a response. It was working - some students were becoming defensive. When it was my turn, I told him I was a music major.

"So," asked my professor, "what does your father think of you wasting your education to study music?"

"He's just thankful," I shot back, "that I didn't go into psychology."

Received from Clean-Laffs.

(_:][:_)

Petty Argument

A husband and wife were involved in a petty argument, both of them unwilling to admit they might be in error.

"I'll admit I'm wrong," the wife told her husband in a conciliatory attempt, "if you'll admit I'm right."

He agreed and, like a gentleman, insisted she go first.

"I'm wrong," she said.

With a twinkle in his eye, he responded, "You're right!"

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.

(_:][:_)

Gladly the Bear

A young boy attended his first Sunday school class, and he was relating the events of the day to his mother. "We sang a song about a bear," he proudly said.

"You sang a song about a bear?" his mother asked.

"Yes," he piped up. "We sang a song about a bear that was cross-eyed."

His mother blinked. "You sang a song about a bear that was cross-eyed?" she asked, wondering what this had to do with Sunday school.

"Uh-huh. We sang a song about a bear that was cross-eyed, and his name was Gladly," her son explained.

His mother pressed. "What do you mean?"

With a big smile, he said, "We sang 'Gladly, the Cross-eyed Bear.'"

/* For those that don't know, this is a mondegreen (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mondegreen) of the church hymn "Keep Thou My Way" by Fanny Crosby. */

Received from Big Mac Clean Joke Attack.

(_:][:_)

C-130 Versus F-16

The C-130 was lumbering along when a cocky F-16 flashed by. The jet jockey decided to show off.

The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, "Watch this!" and promptly went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb. He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier.

The F-16 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he thought of that.

The C-130 pilot said, "That was impressive, but watch this!"

The C-130 droned along for about five minutes and then the C-130 pilot came back on and said, "What did you think of that?"

Puzzled, the F-16 pilot asked, "What did you do?"

The C-130 pilot chuckled. "I stood up, stretched my legs, went to the bathroom, then got a cup of coffee and a cinnamon bun."

When you are young, speed and flash may be great. When you get older and smarter, comfortable and dull are not so bad!

Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.

(_:][:_)

Camping Trip

/* Happy Pi Day! http://www.piday.org */

The loaded mini-van pulled into a campsite. Four children leaped from the vehicle and began feverishly unloading gear and setting up the tent. The boys rushed to gather firewood, while the girls and their mother set up the camp stove and cooking utensils.

A nearby camper marveled to the youngsters' father, "That, sir, is some display of teamwork."

The father replied, "I have a system: no one goes to the bathroom until the camp is set up."

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.

(_:][:_)

Blind Animals

Two animals meet in the woods, both blind since birth. Neither one knows what kind of animal it is, so they decide to feel each other to try to figure it out.

"What do I feel like?" the first animal asked.

"You have soft fur all over you, strong back legs, big back feet, a puffy little cotton tail, two long ears, and a twitchy little nose."

The first animal, full of joy, exclaimed, "I know what I am! I'm a bunny rabbit."

"Now it's my turn," said the second animal.

The bunny felt him, describing, "You're very long, narrow, and low to the ground. You're cold and slimy. You have long, sharp fangs and a little forked tongue that keeps darting out of your mouth."

"Darn," sobbed the second animal. "I'm a lawyer."

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.

(_:][:_)

Beautiful Ego

Before Linda became engaged, she was quite the beauty, and she didn't mind letting her boyfriend know it, too:

"A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry," she told him.

"Really?" asked the boyfriend. "And just how many men are you planning to marry?"

Received from Andychap.

(_:][:_)

40-Year Difference

When I was a 20-something college student, I became quite friendly with my study partner, a 64-year-old man, who had returned to school to finish his degree. He confessed, with a wink, that he had once thought more than friendship might be a possibility between us.

"So what changed your mind?" I asked him.

"I went to my doctor and asked if he thought a 40-year age difference between a man and woman was insurmountable. He looked at my chart and said, 'You're interested in someone who's 104?'"

Received from You Make Me Laugh.

(_:][:_)

Announcement

Heard over a public address system:

Will the person who lost the roll of $100 bills tied with a rubber band please come to the office. We've found the rubber band.

Received from Alden P Lewis.

(_:][:_)

Doorbell

Pastor Jim was driving along one day and saw a little boy trying to reach a doorbell. He stopped the car and got out to help the boy. He pressed the doorbell for him and said, "Now what do we do?"

"Now," the boy said, "we run!"

Received from Kellen Pechacek.

(_:][:_)

Experience

"Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to
recognize a mistake when you make it again." - Anonymous

Received from Clean-Laffs.

(_:][:_)

Department of Lowered Expectations

During a road trip, I stopped in a small town to grab a bite to eat. I walked into a local pizza place and the first thing I noticed was a sign on the wall advising: "Price. Quality. Service. Pick Any Two."

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.

(_:][:_)

Doorbell

I was accompanying my eight-year-old daughter who was selling cookies door-to-door for the Girl Scouts.

After visiting several homes, she commented on the different styles of doorbells: some buzzed, some rang, some warbled. We made a game of guessing what the next bell would sound like.

At the precise moment she touched the doorbell at one house, the church tower began to chime. She wheeled around with a look of amazement on her face. "Now that's a doorbell!"

Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.

(_:][:_)

Cherry Brandy

Knowing that the minister was very fond of cherry brandy, one of the church elders offered to present him with a bottle on one consideration: that the pastor acknowledge receipt of the gift in the church paper.

"Gladly," responded the good man.

When the church magazine came out a few days later, the elder turned at once to the "Appreciation" column. There he read: "The minister extends his thanks to Elder Brown for his gift of fruit and for the spirit in which it was given."

Received from Clean-Laffs.

(_:][:_)
--
Rate this funny at
http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20120420

Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List
A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a)
Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA

To print or email this funny to others, go to
http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20120420

The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://www.gcfl.net/latest.php
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Humor - - A Limerick For National Chocolate Day

October 28th, is National Chocolate Day. (Okay, every day is chocolate day in my house. But still…)

A Limerick for National Chocolate Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Oh, no! Did I make a mistake
While baking that chocolate cake?
An ingredient doubled?
Or tripled? I’m troubled!
I should have bought something from Drake.

http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/
© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.
http://www.madkane.com/
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." __ Franklin D. Roosevelt
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. _ _ George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" _ _ Queen E. Watson
“A political class of Republicans and Democrats that look after themselves, not the Nation. A media hostile to the very precepts of this nation. A generation of Americans who see morals as vices, and are ignorant of America's Actual History.”
"The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life." - - Theodore Roosevelt
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234_5655
(Non _ Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance _ 234_7371 (24 Hour)
Jail _ 234_5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control _ 800_222_1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Interested in getting in touch with the Banner_News through e_mail? editor@bannernews.net For the editor, news@bannernews.net For news and sports items, Coming Events, Diary, Church News, school and civic events. [http://www.bannernews.net/]
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." __ "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" __ "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." __ "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." _ _ "Bug"
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." _ _ Paul Troquille
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. _ Francis Bacon
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now."
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman
~~~~~
Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" __"Bug"
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT_I KC5HII

P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E_mail at kc5hii@suddenlink.net
. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. The latest issue is usually updated sometime Saturday. For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. We also have a site [http://bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com/] where we post photos that I like.
We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2012 before it was sent.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
James F. McClellan
Editor/Publisher "Bug's Bleat"
NREMT_I, CSP, KC5HII
418 North Jefferson Street
Magnolia, Arkansas 71753
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now."
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via "Fuzzy" Thurman
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Remember McClellan's Rules

1. Rejoice in that this is the will of the Lord concerning you.
If that doesn't seem to be working, remember;
2. All things work together for the good of them who love the Lord.
If that doesn't seem to be working, remember;
3. All things are subject to change.
And finally;
4. Don't let the son of a guns get you down!
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Bug's Bleat - - Signs You Might Be From New York City

Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include Scenes from this week's County Wide Emergency Drill;



Lisa Whittemore documented the drill



"Bug" directing the scenario



Albemarle Emergency Coordinator Kenny Kendrick, Fire Chief Greg Pinner, and Incident Commander Glenn Proctor confer.



The scene showing the rail cars,cl2 dome and a victim



CCAS CEO Amanda Warren directs the EMS response



Ricky Shepherd, Albemarle EMS/Rescue/Fire Brigade confers with Kenny Kendrick



Chief Pinner assembles resources



Albemarle HazMat team "suits Up"

















Volume 14, Issue 41 Friday, October 19, 2012

Hello ALL,

Annette’s brother Mike squeezed Annette’s hand today and mouthed “Hi” to her. He continues battling pneumonia, infections, kidney problems and other effects of the stroke.
~~~~~
I have two “Pet” names for Annette; “The Wife Of My Youth” and “The Unstoppable Force.” This week, “The Unstoppable Force” was in full play.

On Wednesday, as we were driving to Texarkana to check on Mike, I mentioned that we ought to consider closing out Mike’s apartment. He’s been semi conscious or totally sedated for a month and it’s predicted that he will be in long term care or rehab for most of the next year, if not longer.

It makes sense to get his belongings out of that apartment and into storage and save that rent.

It was a rough visit for us as Mike’s condition had worsened and things were looking grim. Upon our return home, Annette called Mike’s girls and discussed closing out the apartment. They agreed that it was a good idea and I was glad we’d discussed this mid month as there was no rush and we had a couple of weeks to make the move.

Foolish boy that I am, I forgot who I was married to. The next morning, Annette contacted the land lord and left the house to “look for boxes” to pack with. I was working on stuff at home and didn’t think much of it till Jimmy called.

He asked if Annette was there as she wanted to borrow his truck. Wanted to borrow his truck? Why? He went on to say that she told him she needed it to move Mike’s stuff.

MOVE? Today? I tried to call Annette but could hear her cell phone ringing in the foyer. Since we only have one vehicle, I could only continue with my jobs and wait to see what was happening.

Jimmy called back to tell me that he’d dropped his truck off at Mike’s apartment and picked up Mike’s car to drive. He went on to say that Annette had three fellows moving Mike’s stuff out.

“Where did she get the help?” I asked. He told me that he’d asked one of the guys how he got “roped” into this project and the guy told him; “I was standing in front of the hospital when this lady came by and asked me if I wanted to earn some money. So I said yes and the next thing I knew, I was here moving this furniture.”

Realizing that “The Unstoppable Force” was in action, I just went back to my duties and, sure enough, it wasn’t too long before I heard her in the garage. She had a young man with her and he was unloading some of Mike’s things in our garage.

She came in, told me to call Jimmy to come swap out Mike’s car for his truck and said; “We’re finished. I rented a storage locker and all of Mike’s furniture and belongings, except the few things I brought over here are in storage. The apartment is cleaned and the keys have been returned to the land lord.”

The only questions I had were; “Where did you get the help?” And “How did you call Jimmy when your phone is here?” She replied; “Well, I saw two young men walking down the street in front of Mike’s and enlisted them, then, as I headed toward the storage locker the first time, I found another young man standing in front of the hospital so I hired all three.” “Then I borrowed one of their phones and called Jimmy to swap vehicles.”

I assume she paid them like the owner of the vineyard in Matthew 20:1-16.
~~~~~
After Annette cleaned out Mike’s apartment, she contacted the utility companies to have them disconnect service and have the final bill sent to us. First she went by the water department, no problem; they would cut off the water, read the meter and send us a final bill. We love Magnolia people.

Then she called Entergy, the electric company, who told her it was against Arkansas utility rules for anyone but the original user to approve disconnecting power. She explained that the “original user” was in a Coma and unable to contact the company.

Entergy replied that the rules required the User or someone with the User’s power of attorney verify that they wanted the power cut off.

Now, get this picture. It’s a rent house. We’ve moved Mikes stuff out and returned the keys to the land lord. Mike’s in a coma. And, since he had a stroke, there’s no way to get him to give us power of attorney unless we spend much much more than his monthly electric bill would be (especially since the home is vacant and no electricity is being used.)

I asked to speak with a supervisor who was much more helpful. She confirmed that the rules did require either the User or proof of power of attorney but that the land lord could call and request that service be discontinued. So we gave the land lord the number to Entergy and requested that she call them.

Problem solved … not!

When the Land Lord called Entergy, they told her that she would have to have power of attorney!!!!!

So I called again. Asked to speak to a supervisor again. Using all the control I was able to muster, I explained the situation once again and asked if there was any way to resolve this issue without involving an attorney.

This fellow said that the new renters could just apply for service to be connected and that Entergy would remove Mike from the billing location and put the new folks in his place. So I asked the Entergy representative; “Why should they apply for service to be connected? There’s already service to the apartment and it won’t cost them a cent.”

That caused him to pause for a moment and ask me to hold on. He came back on the line and told me that he would call me back shortly. Finally, after three day of calling, he did call back and tell us that they would disconnect service and send us a final bill.

So, Friday afternoon, I contacted the gas company to get service discontinued to Mike’s apartment. There was no problem. The service person told me that they would issue a disconnect notice and the utility man would read the meter and send a final bill to my new address. He finished up by saying; “Is there anything else we can do for you Mr. Kelly?”
~~~~~
Our daughter, Vanessa, is a Gourmet cook. Jimmy says that Vanessa can turn one of Rachel Ray’s “30 Minute Meals” into a “$30 Dollar Meal” before you and say fresh market. She does like having all the correct ingredients when she cooks. She also likes to have the correct utensils. I’ve got to talk to Rachel about how many utensils she uses on her show. She’s got a staff to clean up after her. We don’t.

Vanessa came over and cooked us “prepackaged” South West Salad (Wal-Mart) and sautéed Asparagus for lunch this week. She did add chicken to the salad but still … How do you get 12 dirty pots and pans from cooking one vegetable and some chicken?

Oh well, it was really really good.
~
Vanessa has always enjoyed the kitchen and the pantry. I remember when she was a young girl, helping me open cans while Annette was cooking one time. As I opened a jar of green beans, it “popped.”

She was sort of surprised and I took the opportunity to explain to her that foods “canned” in glass jars should make that popping sound when opened to tell you that the seal is intact and the food is fresh.

She got a serious look on her young face and I knew that I’d taught my child another important fact in life.

At least I thought I’d explained it properly.

A few weeks later Annette got a jar out of the pantry and noticed it had mold in it. She checked and sure enough, the lid didn’t “pop” when she opened it. On closer inspection she discovered that all our canned goods had been opened.

Further investigation revealed that, after my “lesson” Vanessa had “checked” every jar in the pantry to be sure they were properly sealed.
~~~~~
Unconventional gas and oil drilling has turned out to be a boon for water-treatment firms.

Much of the public concern about this process, also known as fracking, has focused on the mixture of water and chemicals that is injected into the ground to fracture open rock and unlock the gas. But experts point out that the most critical risk of pollution from fracking lies in how operators handle the water that comes back out of the ground.

The highly saline wastewater generated by hydraulic fracturing is expected to create demand for water treatment in the Marcellus Shale region. That demand is set to increase between 10% and 20% across North America each year through 2025 -- and there's room for creativity among water treatment companies. "It's a great industry for a water-treatment chemist and for a consultant -- everyone is still figuring things out," said desalination expert Tom Pankratz. Chemical & Engineering News (10/15)

http://cen.acs.org/articles/90/i42/Treating-Water-Hydraulic-Fracturing.html
~~~~~
My name is “Bug” and I’m a “Duck Dynasty” [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duck_Dynasty] addict.
~
Favorite “Duck Dynasty” Quotes:

“Parenting is a constant struggle between making your kids life better and ruining your own.” – Willie Robertson

“My parents were hoarders before hoarding was cool.” – Jase Robertson

“This would be like giving me the birds and the bees speech for the 20th anniversary of my marriage. I got that. I’ve got three kids. I’ve figured it out.” – Jase Robertson

“The last thing the world needs is another tall-tale telling, tea-toting, narcoleptic redneck.” – Jase Robertson

“It’s time to get swampy again.” – Phil Robertson
~~~~~
Favorite Si Robertson quotes.

“I’m like Aretha Franklin. I don’t get any R-S-P-E-C-T round this joint.”

“I’m down like a rodeo clown.”

“I’m outta here like a Texas Tornado.”

“Si Robertson…OUT.”

“I want a raise, an assistant….and a 2 hour nap.”
~~~~~
Favorite Quotes:

"In reference to the "University of Google" we don't live in the information age so much as the disinformation age." - Bug

I have never understood why it is "greed" to want to keep the money you've earned, but not greed to want to take somebody else's money. - - Thomas Sowell

We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read. - Mark Twain - 4th of July speech 1873
~~~~~
The following wisdom is shared by our friends.
~
Mary Louise Brownlee Alexis - - Just stop talking. I'm sure whatever you want to say can wait until you're smarter.
~
Jim Ford - - If you want total security, go to prison. There you are fed, clothed, given medical care, and so on. The only thing lacking is freedom. - Dwight D. Eisenhower

A vote is like a rifle; its usefulness depends on the character of the user. - Theodore Roosevelt
~
Wendell Franks - - Abortion cannot be made safe. It always ends in someone dying.

Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.
~
Kristen Hightower - - "Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight." - - Benjamin Franklin. Kristen’s “Franklin” quote reminds me of what My momma said about worrying; She said “Worrying works, because 99% of the stuff I’ve worried about never happened.” - - James F. McClellan
~
Chuck Jackson - - Do you know what really just burns me up no end? No, really: someone remind me - I done forgot.
~
Brenda Kyle - - Vegetarian is an old indian word for "Bad Hunter"
~
Nancee Davis Law - - God doesn't owe us anything which makes the fact that He gives us everything even more awesome.

A balanced breakfast is very important - therefore we should have a cup of coffee in BOTH hands!!
~
Waneta Reardon - - Of Course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.
~~~~~
Heating and Cooling: The Cost of Dirty Air Filters [Source: http://www.energy.gov/ Furnace Filter]

Regularly replacing the air filter in your heating and cooling system is often recommended as an energy-saving strategy, but how do dirty air filters actually increase your energy costs? A dirty filter will slow down air flow, making your heating or cooling system work harder to maintain a comfortable temperature. This wastes energy and increases your utility bill.

Air filters also protect heating and cooling system components from accumulating dirt. If the filter becomes too dirty, air will go around the filtration section and deposit dirt directly on system components; this can reduce equipment performance and indoor air quality. This will increase maintenance significantly because more time and expertise will be required to clean system components than what is needed to change filters.

The U.S. Department of Energy (DOE) recommends that you check filters once per month, especially during periods of heavy use, such as winter and summer. The DOE estimates that a properly maintained filter will provide energy savings of 5% to 15%. If the filter is dirty, change it. At a minimum, conventional filters should be changed every three months.
~~~~~
Ask Bob Rankin - - Every move you make... Every step you take... I'll be watching you. You remember that song by Sting. But has Apple adopted this as their new iPhone advertising strategy? Read on to find out what you should know about a new feature on your iPhone that lets advertisers track and target you online...
[http://askbobrankin.com/is_your_iphone_tracking_every_move.html?awt_l=HZr.N&awt_m=I_lZKeH9W8P6SL]
~~~~~
If you have diabetes, look for heart-healthy protein sources that are low in saturated fat, cholesterol and sodium.

Fish is a good source of protein for those with diabetes. Fish contains high-quality protein and is low in saturated fat. Fatty fish provide primarily heart-healthy polyunsaturated fat. The ADA and American Heart Association recommend that you include two or more servings weekly of cold-water fish. A serving size is 3.5 oz. cooked or ¾ cup flaked fish.

Poultry is also a high-quality protein. Choose white meat chicken or turkey

Soy protein is naturally low in fat and cholesterol-free. The Dietary Guidelines Advisory Committee reports that 25 g soy protein daily has been shown to lower total and LDL cholesterol.

Milk is another high-quality protein. It provides calcium, potassium, magnesium and vitamins A and D, as well. The DGAC reports that intake of milk products can reduce your risk of heart attack, heart disease and stroke. Examples include milk, sugar-free yogurt, cottage cheese or cheese.

Egg Whites - Eggs are one of the best-quality proteins. The egg yolk, however, has a high amount of cholesterol; the AHA recommends that you limit egg yolks to two per week. Egg whites are cholesterol- and fat-free.

Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/373899-what-are-good-sources-of-protein-for-diabetics/#ixzz29mxafUQu
~~~~~
The Diabetes and Cancer Link - - What you need to know.
By Theresa Garnero, APRN, BC-ADM, MSN, CDE

One more thing to add to the “forewarned is forearmed" list: researchers have found several connections between diabetes and cancer.

Although that may come as frightening news, some of the evidence may come as a surprise: some types of cancer rates are higher while rates of other types are lower in people with diabetes, a common medicine for type 2 may prevent cancer, and a cancer drug may help prevent type 1 diabetes. [http://www.dlife.com/diabetes/associated_conditions/theresa_garnero/diabetes-and-cancer?utm_source=Update-20121019&utm_medium=eNewsletter&utm_content=Update-newsletter&utm_campaign=dLife-eNewsletter]
~~~~~
Recipe of the week: Tomato-Tortilla Soup - - 2007 Ellie Krieger, All Rights Reserved

Prep Time: 25 min
Cook Time: 28 min
Serves: 4 servings, serving size: 2 cups

Ingredients

2 (6-inch) corn tortillas
1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon canola oil
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 small onion, chopped (about 1 cup)
3 cloves garlic, minced (about 1 tablespoon)
1 small jalapeno pepper, seeded and finely chopped
1 teaspoon ground cumin
3/4 teaspoon dried oregano
4 cups low-sodium chicken broth
2 (14.5-ounce) cans no salt added diced tomatoes. with juice
1/4 cup fresh lime juice
1/4 cup reduced-fat sour cream
2 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro leaves

Directions

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F.

Brush both sides of each tortilla with oil, using 1 tablespoon of the oil. Cut the tortillas in half, then cut each half into 1/4-inch wide strips. Arrange the strips on a baking sheet, sprinkle with the salt, and bake until crisp and golden, about 12 minutes. Remove from oven and set aside.

Heat the remaining 1 teaspoons of oil in a large heavy skillet over medium heat. Add the onion and cook for 5 minutes, stirring occasionally, until onion is soft and translucent. Add the garlic, jalapeno, cumin, and oregano and cook for 1 minute more. Add the broth and tomatoes, bring to a boil, then reduce the heat to low and simmer for about 10 minutes. Stir in lime juice.

Remove the pan from the heat and puree with an immersion blender or in 2 batches in a regular blender until the soup lightens in color but chunks of tomato remain, about 30 seconds. Serve the soup topped with the tortilla strips, a dollop of sour cream, and a sprinkle of cilantro.

Per Serving:

Calories 270; Total Fat 10g (Sat Fat 2g, Mono Fat 3.5g, Poly Fat 2g); Protein 9g; Carb 36g; Fiber 4g; Cholesterol 8mg; Sodium 335mg

Excellent Source of: Vitamin A, Vitamin C - Good Source of: Fiber, Niacin, Phosphorus, Iron, Vitamin K, Protein

Copyright 2012 Television Food Network G.P.
All Rights Reserved [http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/cda/recipe_print/0,1946,FOOD_9936_217309_RECIPE-PRINT-FULL-PAGE-FORMATTER,00.html]
~~~~~
Family Circle - - [http://momster.familycircle.com/blog/how-to-convert-recipes-for-the-slow-cooker?sssdmh=dm17.624853&esrc=nwfc101712] Since I don’t have a new recipe to share today, I decided to post the answer to a question that comes up in almost all our weekly Facebook slow cooker chats: How do you convert recipes for the slow cooker?

Here’s the secret:

Since liquid doesn’t evaporate, you need a lot less than you would if you were making a conventional recipe. So cut the amount by at least half—you want just enough to cover the bottom, to ensure even heating. Also, reduce dried herbs by half, as the flavors become more concentrated while under cover. But the big difference is timing. Generally speaking, 1 hour conventional cook time equals 3 hours on HIGH or 6 hours on LOW. The first time you try a recipe, check for doneness halfway through and near the end of the estimated cook time. Jot down your notes for future reference.

I’ve also found that if you’re cooking with veggies that have a tendency to get mushy (e.g. broccoli, spinach and the like), that it’s best to add them near the end of the cook time. And as our slow cooker expert and associate food editor Michael Tyrrell often shares in our chats, reinforcing the seasoning at the end gives the dish an extra punch.

And here’s some slow cooking inspiration:

Slow Cooker Beef Recipes [http://www.familycircle.com/recipes/slow-cooker/slow-cooker-beef/]

Slow Cooker Soups and Stews [http://www.familycircle.com/recipes/slow-cooker/slow-cooker-soup-stew/]

Slow Cooker Chicken Recipes [http://www.familycircle.com/recipes/slow-cooker/slow-cooker-chicken/]
~~~~~
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web.
~
Greetings,

This is significant. Major General (ret.) Patrick Brady is famous in the DUSTOFF world. He has come out swinging, saying the DUSTOFF system is broken.

This is also terrible news for all those milblogs who stood against this simply because it came from me. [http://www.michaelyon-online.com/dustoff-medevac-general-medal-of-honor-recipient-slams-army.htm]

Very Respectfully,
Michael Yon
Your Writer,

Please remember that this website accepts no advertisement and is dependent on your support.

PS Please sign up for my Twitter.com updates at "Michael_Yon" [http://twitter.com/Michael_Yon] (not Michael Yon).

http://www.facebook.com/#/MichaelYonFanPage?ref=sgm
~
www.michaelyon-online.com
~
Http://www.michaelyon_online.com/index.php
~~~~~
If you would like to encourage US Troops overseas, but are not sure just how to begin, visit www.anysoldier.com for ideas.
~~~~~
DarynKagan.com - - Passenger Jet Helps Find Lost Sailor At Sea
[http://darynkagan.demo.nimbussoftware.com/heroism/2012/he_121018_found_lost_sailor.html]
Passengers aboard a recent Air Canada flight to Sydney, Australia heard this announcement, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've received a call from search and rescue teams in Australia saying that there was a yacht that was sinking off the shore of Sydney. We're the closest aircraft in the vicinity, and they've asked us to identify the location of the boat. It's going to mean a slight detour."
~~~~~

ACC SmartBrief - - CHEMTREC expands global emergency-response services
[http://smartblogs.com/leadership/2012/10/17/acc-chemtrec-interview/]
CHEMTREC, a division of the American Chemistry Council, recently executed an agreement of mutual assistance with China's National Registration Center for Chemicals. The result, says CHEMTREC's G.R. "Randy" Speight, will be improved safety and response, allowing all parties to "more seamlessly optimize the mitigation of incidents involving dangerous goods -- whether the incident occurs within China, or on its way to or from China, as with imported and exported goods." SmartBrief/SmartBlog on Leadership
~~~~~
http://www.shelfari.com
http://www.shelfari.com/bugsbleat/shelf
~~~~~
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include - - Scenes from this week's County Wide Emergency Drill; "Bug" directing the scenario, HazMat Chief Kenny Kendrick, Fire Chief Greg Pinner, and Incident Commander Glenn Proctor confer, The scene showing the rail cars,cl2 dome and a victim, CCAS CEO Amanda Warren directs the EMS response. Lisa Whittemore documented the drill. Chief Pinner assembles resources. Albemarle HazMat team "suits Up."
~~~~~
For the latest issue of "Da Bleat.", go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com.
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.
~~~~~
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
~~~~~
BreakPoint - - Is That a Fact? Biden on the HHS Mandate
By: John Stonestreet | Published: October 19, 2012

It’s bad enough when the government threatens religious freedom. But when the Vice President of the United States tells us it’s all in our imaginations . . .

We’ve been keeping you posted for months now on the HHS mandate—a component of the Affordable Care Act that would require religious employers to provide contraceptives, abortion-inducing drugs and sterilization in their insurance plans—no matter their religious convictions. Chuck Colson called it the most serious attack on Americans’ religious liberty in a generation, and so far, Christian institutions ranging from schools and hospitals to a publishing house, an air conditioning company and a craft store have filed some 35 lawsuits against the administration, seeking a broad exemption based on the right to freely exercise their religion.

In other words, they’re fighting for the right not to participate in actions they believe are sinful.

As we’ve reported here on BreakPoint, these suits have met with mixed results. At least one succeeded a few months ago in securing an injunction against the mandate, but federal judges have also ruled against others, as happened earlier this month in the Eastern District of Missouri.

The Alliance Defending Freedom (ADF) is representing several other plaintiffs, including businesses and schools in what it calls “a large cross-section of Protestants and Catholics who object to the mandate,” in hopes of salvaging the First Amendment rights the policy endangers.

So what’s the bottom line? This is an ongoing fight, and—if the mandate isn’t modified or abandoned—we might see a Supreme Court ruling before it’s all said and done.

So imagine what went through the minds of everyone involved in this legal battle when, during the course of the vice presidential debate, Vice President Biden denied point-blank that the HHS mandate even includes religious employers!

“[L]et me make it absolutely clear,” he told debate moderator, Martha Raddatz. “[L]et me make it absolutely clear. No religious institution—Catholic or otherwise . . . has to either refer contraception, none has to pay for contraception, none has to be a vehicle to get contraception in any insurance policy they provide. That is a fact."

Well, as the Catholic bishops said in a statement issued last Friday: “That is not a fact.” The bishops went on: “[Religious employers] will have to serve as a vehicle [for birth control coverage], because they will still be forced to provide their employees health coverage, and that coverage will still have to include sterilization, contraception, and abortifacients.”

Matt Bowman, senior legal counsel at the Alliance Defending Freedom, said, “It’s embarrassing to claim that something doesn’t exist while you’re defending it in court . . . The abortion pill mandate’s very existence and the Obama administration’s ongoing defense of it demonstrate how amazingly false the Vice President’s claims are.”

And as soon as the debate ended, the head of the Pro-Life group, The Susan B. Anthony List, joined the chorus, commenting that Biden had “grossly misled the viewers and brushed over legitimate objections,” and that “[his] response…demonstrated a shocking disregard for our first freedom.”

Folks, this isn’t about a candidate or even an election. This is about the willingness of a public official to deny a provable threat to religious liberty in one of the most televised debates of the year.

But what’s important now is that we, the Church, make it clear to our elected leaders that we will not stand idly by while religious freedoms are dismantled—and that yes, the HHS mandate is still a big problem.
And with neither foot in my mouth, I can promise you, that is a fact.


Further Reading and Information

Judge Issues Preliminary Injunction on Behalf of Business Owner in HHS Mandate Fight
Jennifer Marshall and Dominique Ludvigson | Heritage.org | July 29, 2012 [http://blog.heritage.org/2012/07/29/judge-issues-preliminary-injunction-on-behalf-of-business-owner-in-hhs-mandate-fight/]

Sterilizing Religious Freedom [http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries/entry/13/20225]
John Stonestreet | BreakPoint.org | September 6, 2012

Debunked: Biden Claims HHS Mandate Not an Assault on Religious Liberty
Sarah Torre | Heritage.org | October 12, 2012 [http://blog.heritage.org/2012/10/12/debunked-biden-claims-hhs-mandate-not-an-assault-on-religious-liberty/]

Hobby Lobby's Request to Halt Contraception Mandate Gets Hearing Date
Katherine T. Phan | Christian Post | October 8, 2012 [http://www.christianpost.com/news/hobby-lobbys-request-to-halt-contraception-mandate-gets-hearing-date-82911/]

Aggressive Decision Against Religious Liberty [http://www.nationalreview.com/bench-memos/329043/aggressive-decision-against-religious-liberty-ed-whelan]
Ed Whelan | National Review Online | October 2, 2012

A Small Victory [http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries/breakpoint-commentaries-archive/entry/13/20046]
Eric Metaxas | BreakPoint.org | August 9, 2012

‘This is not a fact’: U.S. bishops rip Biden’s defense of HHS Mandate
John Jalsevac | LifeSiteNews.com | October 12, 2012 [http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/u.s.-bishops-rip-bidens-defense-of-hhs-mandate-this-is-not-a-fact]

Biden dishonest about abortion pill mandate [http://www.adfmedia.org/News/PRDetail/7689]
Matt Bowman | Alliance Defending Freedom | October 12, 2012

Post Vice Presidential Debate: Biden Grossly Misleads on Religious Liberty
Susan B. Anthony List [http://www.sba-list.org/newsroom/press-releases/post-vice-presidential-debate-biden-grossly-misleads-religious-liberty]

Is that a fact? (Biden on the HHS Mandate) [http://www.breakpoint.org/tp-home/blog-archives/recent-point-posts/entry/4/20526]
Shane Morris | BreakPoint.org | October 12, 2012

[http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries]

Copyright © 2012 Prison Fellowship. All Rights Reserved

~~~~~
Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:
~

Senator John Boozman (R_ AR)
1 Russell Courtyard
Washington DC, 20510
Phone: 202-224-4843
http://boozman.senate.gov/
~
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR)
Phone 202_224_2353
FAX 202_228_0908
http://pryor.senate.gov/
~
Representative Michael A. Ross (D _ 04)
Phone 202_225_3772
FAX 202_225_1314
http://ross.house.gov/

Other states congresspersons can be found at: [http://www.visi.com/juan/congress/]
~~~~~
THOUGHT OF THE DAY:

"Technique without ideals is a menace; Ideals without technique is a mess." - Karl Llewellyn

"An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength." - Eric Hoffer

"If a wise man has an argument with a fool, the fool only rages and laughs, and there is no quiet." - Proverbs 29:9

"Fortunately for serious minds, a bias recognized is a bias sterilized." - Benjamin Haydon

"Ability will never catch up with the demand for it." - Confucius

"Act boldly and unseen forces will come to your aid." - Dorothea Brande
~~~~~
BREAKING CHRISTIAN NEWS
http://breakingchristiannews.com/

Space Jump: the Beauty of Earth and the Grace of God - - Aimee Herd (Oct 16, 2012)

"Trust me, when you stand up there on top of the world, you become so humble." –Felix Baumgartner

Read Full Story [http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=10646]
~
Mineral Water to Prevent Alzheimer's Disease? - - Teresa Neumann (Oct 17, 2012)

It's all about getting rid of aluminum in the brain and early indications are that in individuals with Alzheimer's Disease the lowering of the body burden of aluminum may benefit cognitive function.

Read Full Story [http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=10653]
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>

GCF: "Signs You Might Be From New York City"
Recently I posted the list of "Signs You Might Be From New York City". I asked the "Empire State" folks to help me out and provide some insight into some of the terms and other things particular to NYC. What follows was culled from the comments of the 2 readers who responded (Thank you both, you speak for the whole of NYC!).

Each of the original statements is immediately followed by any needed translation and comments by my NYC friends.

===================================
1. You're 35 years old and don't have a driver's license.
--------------------------------------------------
Yep, more or less, did not learn until age 27.
--------------------------------------------------
A lifelong New Yorker, I'm a bit more than 35 years old, and yes, I don't have a driver's license.

===================================

2.You ride in a subway car with no air conditioning just because there are seats available.
--------------------------------------------------
I no longer ride subway trains; I bus everywhere, but when I did take the train, I'd do without air conditioning to get a seat.
--------------------------------------------------
Depends on what you needed more: a seat or a blast of coolish air--sometimes one wins over the other.

===================================
3. You take the train home and you know exactly where on the platform the doors will open that will leave you right in front of the exit stairway.
----------------------------------------------
Of course I knew exactly where on the platform the doors opened that would leave me right in front of the exit stairway.
-----------------------------------------------
Always, since a young age!

===================================
4. You know what a "regular" coffee is.
-----------------------------------------------
Yes, but no one outside of NYC seems to understand this.
-----------------------------------------------
(Tom's note: I did a bit of research and the best I can find as a definition of "coffee regulah" is unflavored, caffeinated coffee with lots of cream and sugar. This is compounded by using size to define how much cream and sugar (small regular is 2 creams and 2 sugars, medium regular is 3 creams and 3 sugars, large regular is 4 creams and 4 sugars ... also dark is 1 less cream based on the size and light is 1 more cream based on size). I suspect this might not be "universal" in all of NYC. Personally, I learned to drink coffee black, just like it comes out of the pot).

===================================
5. It's not Manhattan...... It's the "city".
-----------------------------------------------
Yes, most frustrating. I would assign my Brooklyn students to visit a museum in the "city" and they would all moan like I was sending them to Venice!

===================================
6. There is no north and south. It's "uptown" or "downtown." If you're really from New York you have absolutely no concept of where north and south are. And east or west is "crosstown."
-----------------------------------------------
Actually, I was always pretty good at compass points, phases of the moon, other "natural" things, maybe cause I was born in the wilds of Queens and lived mostly in the outback in Brooklyn?

===================================
7. You cross the street anywhere but on the corners and you yell at cars for not respecting your right to do it.
-----------------------------------------------
Don't you realize that it's so much safer to cross the street in the middle of the block?
-----------------------------------------------
Nope, I learned early on you take your life in your life in your hands whenever you cross a street, so your insurance settlement will be higher if you do it legally, at corners--really. My father taught me to get hit by a Yellow cab, if I had a choice, as their insurance was better... And I always yelled at cars when they were wrong--Dustin Hoffman had it right in "Midnight Cowboy"--bang on their hoods and yell "Yo, I'm walking here!"

===================================
8. You move 3,000 miles away, spend 10 years learning the local language and people still know you're from Brooklyn the minute you open your mouth.
-----------------------------------------------
True. When I started college in the ancient times --1969--we had to take a speech course that was designed to cure us of this malady. Don't think it worked for many, but I can fake "non-Brooklyn" occasionally.

===================================
9. You return after 10 years and the first foods you want are a "real" pizza and a "real" bagel. You know the differences between all the varieties Ray's pizzas. And you wouldn't bother ordering pizza in any other city.
-----------------------------------------------
Yes! (Mostly)
-----------------------------------------------
It just happens that I had pizza for lunch yesterday. It wasn't Ray's Pizza, but it was real enough. Today, it was a different food group: Chinese take-out.

===================================
10. You get ready to order dinner every night and must choose from the major food groups which are: Chinese, Italian, Mexican or Indian.
-----------------------------------------------
(Tom's note: see #9 above)

===================================
11. A 500 square foot apartment is large.
-----------------------------------------------
My apartment is 200 square feet, and believe me, it ain't easy.
-----------------------------------------------
True. I now live in a 2700 sq.ft. house on 11 acres in Maine that we bought from the sale of a "large" 900 sq.ft. apartment in Brooklyn.

===================================
12. You are not under the mistaken impression that any human being would be able to actually understand a P.A. Announcement on the subway.
-----------------------------------------------
No, I am not under the mistaken impression... and hated that side of my city--it did not take that much effort to be clear as a subway conductor--it was a major part of their job, after all. Now it is prerecorded, voice by a woman who lives near me!

===================================
13. You're not the least bit interested in going to Times Square on New Year's Eve.
-----------------------------------------------
I've been to Times Square on New Year's Eve. I didn't know any better - I was 18 years old.
-----------------------------------------------
Never did go, in 55 years, nor to Empire State building. Got to the Statue of Liberty as a kid of 12 by accident--went to meet an uncle who worked on the Staten Island ferry, who had to do a double-shift, and he gave me the money to go over there, up into the crown.

===================================
14. Your internal clock is permanently set to know when alternate side of the street parking regulations are in effect.
-----------------------------------------------
It was only important once I got a car--age 35 or so?--and yes, my "clock" was set to the sound of the street sweepers.

===================================
15. Someone bumps into you, and you check for your wallet.
-----------------------------------------------
Wouldn't you?
-----------------------------------------------
And, you need to!

===================================
16. You pay "only" $230 a month to park your car.
-----------------------------------------------
That had to be in the ice age.
-----------------------------------------------
I never "paid for it"--as a matter of pride as a Brooklynite. But then, almost never took a vehicle into Manhattan either.

===================================
17. A presidential visit is a major traffic jam, not an honor.
-----------------------------------------------
Sad, but true.
-----------------------------------------------
TRUE!

===================================
18. You can nap on the subway and never miss your stop.
-----------------------------------------------
Absolutely!
-----------------------------------------------
With a bit of practice, you can learn how to nap on the subway and never miss your stop.

===================================
19. The deli guy gives you a straw with any beverage you buy, even if it's a beer.
-----------------------------------------------
That's a beer, a straw, and then all you need is a glass filled with ice cubes.
-----------------------------------------------
And a small paper bag, so you can walk around with the beer in summer, and not get a ticket for carrying an open alcoholic beverage...smarter folks get it in cans, so it is even less noticeable.
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Overstaffed

A young man was applying for a job in a big company.

"I'm sorry," said the personnel manager, "but the firm is overstaffed; we have more employees now than we really need."

"That's all right," replied the young man, undiscouraged, "the little bit of work I do won't be noticed anyway."
_ _______________________________ _
On her 40th birthday a wife waltzed out of the bedroom dressed in an old outfit that she dug out of the back of the closet.

"I wore this on my 30th birthday! I guess that means my wardrobe is ten years old," she said to her husband, hoping he'd take the hint and buy her some new clothes as a present.

"Or," he offered instead, "it means when you were 30 you had the body of a 40-year-old."

(He is expected to be discharged from the hospital next week but he will always walk with a limp).
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Who's That?

While working at the Magic Kingdom in Walt Disney World, I was responsible for emptying the trash cans in front of the castle.

One afternoon as I was changing out the trash bag in one of the refuse bins, I saw a small girl point at me and overheard her ask her mother, "Who's that lady?"

"Why, honey," her mother replied, "that must be Cinderella, before she met her fairy godmother!"
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Babysitting

I was not thrilled with the idea of letting my clueless 13-year-old son babysit his younger brothers, even though he begged me to.

"What about a fire?" I asked, referring to my No. 1 concern.

"Mom," he said, rolling his eyes, "I'm a Boy Scout. I know how to start a fire."
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Audio Book

After an enthusiastic recommendation from my wife, I began listening to the audio-book version of a novel.

"I love it, but his writing style is so disjointed," I complained. "He refers to characters I don't know and introduces them a half hour later."

My wife was as confused as I was, but I soldiered on, disoriented by the jumpy story line. It wasn't until the end of the book that my dilemma was explained: I had my iPod set on "Shuffle."
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Hors D'oeuvre

As two children watched their mothers prepare party food, one of them asked the other, "What's an hors d'oeuvre?"

The second child replied, "I think it's part of a ham sandwich that's been cut into about seventy pieces."
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Two Good Questions

A surgeon examined a new patient most carefully. After studying the x-rays, he turned to the man and said, "Could you pay for an operation if I told you it was necessary?"

The patient thought for a moment, then said to the doctor, "Would you find one necessary if I told you I couldn't pay for it?"
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: At the Office?

My boss phoned me today. He said, "Is everything okay at the office?"

I said, "Yes, it's all under control. It's been a very busy day, I haven't stopped for a minute."

"Can you do me a favor?" he asked.

I said, "Of course, anything, what is it?"

He said, "Hurry up and take your shot, I'm right behind you on the 7th hole."
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Obvious Relationship

Science has a language of its own which sometimes puzzles laymen. The word "obvious" is a case in point.

A professor of physics, deriving some profound point of theory for the class, scribbled an equation on the board and said, "From this,
it is obvious that we can proceed to write the following
relationship..." and he scribbled a second and equally long equation on the board.

Then he paused. He stared hard at the two equations and said, "Wait a minute, I may be wrong..."

He sat down and began to write at his desk furiously, crossing out and rewriting for five minutes while the class sat in absolute silence waiting for the verdict.

Finally, the professor rose with an air of satisfaction and said, "Yes, I was right in the first place. It *IS* obvious that the second equation follows from the first."
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Growing Up

Mary and Joan were having lunch when Mary said, "My son is really growing up."

Joan asked, "How do you know that?"

Mary replied, "Instead of asking me where he came from, now he refuses to tell me where he is going!"
_ _______________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \
/ / | tellswor@kcbx.net | \ \
_( (_ | http://www.kcbx.net/~tellswor | _) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_|<> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Oneliners Part 1

A perfect example of minority rule is a baby in the house.

I lost twenty pounds. Unfortunately, I was in England at the time.

Success is getting what you like, happiness is liking what you get.

A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.

The trouble with a three-day weekend is that it turns Tuesday into Monday.

You think this is a free country until you move into a subdivision with a homeowners' association.

The world is full of willing people, some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.

Isn't it a shame that future generations can't be here to see all the wonderful things we're doing with their money?

It never occurs to some people that there is a big difference between giving advice and lending a hand.

Elections should be held on Christmas. That way, if we don't like who we elect, we can exchange them.

If something goes without saying, let it!

Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

If you want a new idea, read an old book.

Quick!! Act as if nothing has happened!

If your plan is having no plan, do you have a plan?

I have not yet begun to procrastinate.

You can't make your candle burn brighter by blowing out the other fellow's.

I was stopped once for going 53 in a 35 mile zone, but I told them I was dyslexic.

I figured out a way to slow down inflation. Turn it over to a government worker!

The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband.

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

Received from Irene A. Mystery.

(_:][:_)

Passport Processing

I needed a passport, and I needed it quickly. Luckily, a sign in the passport office told me exactly how long I could expect to wait: "Allow 10 minutes for regular processing and 15 minutes for expedited processing."

-- Contributed to Reader's Digest, "All in a Day's Work," by Peter Vogen

Received from Ed.

(_:][:_)

r: The Monk

IBM has been trying to increase market share by recruiting to more obscure markets for Internet access. They've even attempted to get monasteries connected to the Internet. At one small monastery in France, the monsignor, Father Jean-Paul, was not interested in getting access to the Internet, but one monk, Brother William, tried to persuade him. As an additional incentive, IBM even offered to give them free access for one year. The Father finally agreed but only under strict conditions that the monk would only use the Internet for biblical research.

Brother William started using the Internet and became amazed at the amount of information available. He downloaded texts of the Dead Sea Scrolls and biblical commentaries, and he talked with people who studied the ancient Greek and Hebrew languages. Father Jean-Paul was impressed with the research done and the amount of information available, but he continued to warn Brother William about the temptations of the Internet.

Well, Brother William continued his research, and soon he became a bit of an authority himself on biblical matters. Soon, people were e-mailing him for information on the Bible and spiritual matters. He would answer their questions and even set up his own "Dear Monk" Web site. He even started sending out weekly heartwarming stories about how God was working in people's lives. Eventually he noticed that many people kept asking the same questions over and over, so he created a little booklet of frequently asked questions about God. But now Brother William had a dilemma. He knew that according to human nature, people value information more if they have to pay for it, but he had taken a vow of poverty and did not want any money. So, he decided to set up charity fund for widows and orphans, and all proceeds from his booklets would go to charity. So Brother William set up an Internet business where people would order one of his booklets, and he would send it to them after they sent a small amount of money to the charity fund.

When Father Jean-Paul discovered what Brother William had done, he discharged him immediately from the monastery. It seemed that the Father did not like his monk e-business.

(By Walter Ries)

Received from Stan Kegel.

(_:][:_)

Nothing

Kathryn's 5-year-old developed a strong interest in spelling once she learned to spell STOP. After that, she tried to figure out her own words. From the back seat of the car she'd ask, "Mom, what does FGRPL spell?"

"Nothing," Kathryn said.

Sitting at breakfast she'd suddenly ask, "Mom, what does DOEB spell?"

"Nothing," Kathryn answered.

This went on for several weeks. Then one afternoon as they sat coloring in her room she asked, "Mom, what does LMDZ spell?"

Kathryn smiled at her and said, "Nothing, sweetheart."

The 5-year-old carefully set down her crayon, sighed and said, "Boy, there sure are a lot of ways to spell Nothing!"

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.

(_:][:_)

Jumping Up and Down

A pharmacist looks out the front of the store and sees a woman holding a bottle while jumping up and down in the parking lot. The pharmacist walks out to the parking lot and asks the woman, "What's the matter?"

She replies, "I didn't notice until after I took the medicine that it said, 'Shake Well.'"

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.

(_:][:_)

Hotel Pets?

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation. He wrote:

I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?

An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware, or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.

(_:][:_)

Webster

Like a lot of husbands throughout history, Webster would sit down and try to talk to his wife. But as soon as he would start to say something, his wife would say, "And what's that supposed to mean?"

Thus, Webster's Dictionary was born.

Received from Laugh & Lift.

(_:][:_)

Holding a Job

A young man was a slow worker and found it difficult to hold down a job.

After a visit to the employment office, he was offered work at the local zoo.

When he arrived for his first day, the keeper, aware of his reputation, told him to take care of the tortoise section.

Later, the keeper dropped by to see how the young man was doing and found him standing by an empty enclosure with the gate open.

"Where are the tortoises?" he asked.

"I can't believe it," said the new employee. "I just opened the door and whooooosh, they were gone!"

Received from Crosswalk.

(_:][:_)

Hot Shot Pilot

A young guy in a two-engine fighter was flying escort for a B-52 and generally being a nuisance, acting like a hotdog, flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber. The hotdog said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better."

The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this, hot-shot."

The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level.

Perplexed, the hotdog asked, "So? What did you do?"

"I just shut down two engines, kid."

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.

(_:][:_)

Hot Day

It was a really hot day at the office due to a malfunction with the air conditioning system. There were about twenty people in close quarters and everyone was sweating, even with a fan on.

All of a sudden, people started to wrinkle their noses at an odor passing through the air. It was the most hideous smell anyone had ever smelled.

One man, popping his head out of his cubicle, said, "Oh, man! Someone's deodorant isn't working."

A man in the corner replied, "It can't be me. I'm not wearing any."

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.

(_:][:_)

Honeymooners

You may have heard about a new bride who was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner.

So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time.

He responded, "Sure. You carry the suitcases!"

(_:][:_)
--
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><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Humor - - Time Flies (Limerick)

“Time flies” is a popular phrase.
So it does, and in frightening ways.
Where’s it go? I don’t know.
And there’s no way to slow
It all down. Simply relish the days.

http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/
© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.
http://www.madkane.com/
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter: "Want coffee."

The waiter says, "Sure Chief. Coming right up."
He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.....

The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter:

"Want coffee."

The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto!
We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday.
What was all that about, anyway?"

The Indian smiles and proudly says,

"Training for position in United States Congress. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up.
Disappear for rest of day."

NOVEMBER 2012 VOTE WISELY!

Thanks to Joe Mullins
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." __ Franklin D. Roosevelt
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. _ _ George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" _ _ Queen E. Watson
“A political class of Republicans and Democrats that look after themselves, not the Nation. A media hostile to the very precepts of this nation. A generation of Americans who see morals as vices, and are ignorant of America's Actual History.”
"The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life." - - Theodore Roosevelt
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234_5655
(Non _ Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance _ 234_7371 (24 Hour)
Jail _ 234_5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control _ 800_222_1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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Interested in getting in touch with the Banner_News through e_mail? editor@bannernews.net For the editor, news@bannernews.net For news and sports items, Coming Events, Diary, Church News, school and civic events. [http://www.bannernews.net/]
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"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." __ "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" __ "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." __ "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." _ _ "Bug"
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." _ _ Paul Troquille
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. _ Francis Bacon
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now."
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman
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Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" __"Bug"
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT_I KC5HII

P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E_mail at kc5hii@suddenlink.net
. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. The latest issue is usually updated sometime Saturday. For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. We also have a site [http://bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com/] where we post photos that I like.
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James F. McClellan
Editor/Publisher "Bug's Bleat"
NREMT_I, CSP, KC5HII
418 North Jefferson Street
Magnolia, Arkansas 71753
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